#24 texas longhorns

WORDS CANNOT EXPRESS HOW MUCH I HATE TEXAS.

basically, there are three words you need to know: RED RIVER RIVALRY. formerly known as Red River Shootout. but that was too violent.

i was raised in Norman, Oklahoma, home of the Oklahoma Sooners. and in Soonerland, there is one game that is more anticipated than any other. every Fall, Norman Public Schools allows a three-day-weekend for one reason and one reason only: the OU-Texas game.
it's one of the biggest rivalries in college football, and definitely the biggest in the Big 12 conference. it started in 1900, before Oklahoma was even a state.
every year, HUNDREDS of THOUSANDS of Oklahomans and Texans drive about two hours each to meet at the Cotton Bowl in Dallas, where they play against each other every single season.

Texas has more wins against OU with a 59-41 record (and five ties). but the important thing now is that Texas sucks and OU is great. can't wait for this year's Shootout. i mean Rivalry.

ew

colors: burnt orange and white

conference: Big 12 - South

mascot: Bevo and Hook'em. okay, so this is pretty great. Bevo is a LIVE longhorn and there have been 14 Bevos to date, including the current one. we Sooner fans like to make jokes about eating Bevo (BEVO BURGERS), which is kinda fucked up but kinda funny.

Bevo II once attacked an SMU cheerleader.

Hook'em, the stuffed animal version

coach: Mack Brown, 13th season. really great coach, actually. his record is an impressive 133-34. he also seems like a nice guy on television.

yay for meeee

quarterback: still undecided. last year's Garrett Gilbert was just God-awful, to Sooner fans' delight. Texas suffered at his hands, so Mack isn't really sure if he wants to go through that again.

help me, i suck!!

the low-down: they were awful last year: 5-7. but like a bunch of other teams, this season depends on whoever the quarterback is. but there are more problems than that - Mack replaced FIVE coaches on his staff this year, so things might fall apart there... that's like adopting five kids into a family and telling them to make a really good football team. apparently a new recruit, freshman running back Malcolm Brown, is supposed to be a big fucking deal, so maybe he can improve Texas' offense. sophomore wide receiver Mike Davis is coming back, which is great news - he made 47 catches as a true freshman and he's gonna be huge. defense won't be an issue. luckily they have a pretty easy schedule, since most of the Big 12 is not as good. Texas will do better than they did last season, for sure, but i don't think they'll be doing anything remarkable anytime soon. or ever.
first game: Rice at home. sounds like my typical family dinner plans, but no, Rice is a school. Texas will win. Rice is a joke. but their mascots are owls!!!