#11 nebraska cornhuskers

i hate the Nebraska Cornhuskers.


maybe it's because they think they have some sort of significant rivalry with my team the Sooners (which they don't, because we don't give a fuck about you. it's all about Texas) or maybe because their former coach Bill Callahan called OU fans "fucking hillbillies" a few years ago. so what if it's true, you're not supposed to say it out loud.
maybe it's because Nebraska just left the greatest conference in college football, the Big 12, to join the Big Ten because they're sellouts. look, whatever. let's just do this.

ugh

colors: scarlet and cream, also known as... red and white.
conference: Big Ten, as of this season
mascot: they have two, Herbie Husker and Lil' Red.

Herbie, who looks gay

Lil' Red, a total bro

coach: Bo Pelini, who is considerably much better than his predecessor for several reasons. first, his name is Bo. also, he was defensive coordinator for the Sooners for a while. lastly, he apparently does not use the f-bomb. that's fucking great, Bo! 

rawwwwr!

quarterback: #3 Taylor Martinez, sophomore. yes, he's a young'un, but this guy came out of nowhere as a freshman and beat out a sophomore and a senior to take the starting QB role (sucks for the senior, who actually started the entire 2009 season). Martinez was also 2010 All-Big 12 Offensive Freshman of the Year. 
hottie index: 7/10

not too shabby. but then again, Martinez is a Hispanic name, so are we really surprised?

the low-down: i hate them, but they're a pretty solid team. they were 10-4 last season, which they ended by beating the Washington Huskies in the Holiday Bowl. this year, they'll stay ranked and get a pretty decent bowl, because Martinez will only get better. the only thing they might have trouble with is their new Big Ten schedule - they play Wisconsin and Ohio State pretty early on (and will have to play against Northwestern, too, which will be such a difficult game. that's sarcasm, everyone. i love NU, but we suck). can't be too much worse than the Big 12 teams they had to face before, though. since Nebraska is being put in a division with Michigan, Michigan State, Iowa, Minnesota and Northwestern, none of which are remarkable, my guess is that the team will be pretty happy in its new "leadership role." it's like being the skinniest kid at fat camp.
first game: Chattanooga at home. Nebraska will obviously win.






extra credit: video of Bo totally losing his shit at Martinez. calm down, pi phi! he apologized later, so it's fine.