i'm back. it's been a year.
what's happened since then? Kanye and Kim had a baby. that Glee kid Finn died IRL like seriously don't do drugs. some major shit is going on in Syria. i got a job and live in South Bend now hollaaa — NO. NOT HOLLA. I LIVE IN NOTRE DAME LAND, I HAVE TO DO NOTRE DAME STORIES. but i do love my job, no complaints.
Week 3: AP and USA Today Top 25, courtesy of ESPN.
first thoughts:
—TEXAS IS GONE!—Northwestern looks so gr8 up there.
—ummm why is Florida still ranked?
OMG, so tell me what happened this weekend.
1. #19 Oklahoma beats WVU at home.
"A comedy of errors. For both teams." <--- the perfect description of the shitfest that was Oklahoma vs. West Virginia, courtesy of a FOX announcer (also a Shakespeare reference, for you tards).both teams were a complete and utter mess, turnover after turnover. Sooners won, but only half by luck and the other half because WVU's defense wore down.
i got so bored i started eating.
you can say this at the water cooler tomorrow/on your date this week/to your fish because you're forever alone like me:
"Oklahoma's offense was really disappointing in the first half. That Trevor Knight is no Blake Bell. They should put the Bell-dozer in more often."translation: freshman Trevor Knight, OU's brand new quarterback, has been dynamic but unreliable in the first two games. back-up quarterback junior Blake Bell often makes running offensive magic happen but still has to prove that he can throw before they let him start. they put him in in the second half and he was beautiful.
2. #14 Notre Dame loses at #17 Michigan.
and like, not by a little bit. it was not a fluke. the score was 41-30 and the Wolverines were up the entire time. the game was basically a feast of the overrated — attendance of 115,109 broke an NCAA record. so delicious. Irish quarterback Tommy Rees threw two interceptions during some pretty crucial times. too bad this "rivalry" won't last — Notre Dame and Michigan have one last matchup next year here in South Bend, and ND backed out of the contract for any future games. i would say i'm supes excited for Notre Dame to play the Sooners, but they both suck.you can say this:
"That Irish defense needs help. I guess Manti (MAN-tai) did more than just make up dead girlfriends..."translation: Manti T'eo was Notre Dame's legendary linebacker. he was pretty good. he also completely fabricated a dead girlfriend (and Deadspin got the chance to act like they do real journalism yay!!!). now he plays for the San Diego Chargers and God i hope they make fun of him there. anyways, Notre Dame's defense is terrible without him and other seniors who left.
3. #11 Georgia beats #6 South Carolina.
huge SEC clash. ummm yeah so i'll be honest, i know little to nothing about the SEC because it's overrated. also South Carolina's mascot is a Gamecock, YES I KNOW, i've made that joke before.all the credit goes to Georgia's quarterback Aaron Murray, who threw for four touchdowns. he's good. he's hot. i last wrote about that here.
you can say this:
"Did you see Murray's 85-yard touchdown throw? That's Heisman material."translation: yeah, you read that right. Murray made a 85-yard touchdown throw to wide receiver Justin Scott-Wesley. i can probably throw three yards or so.
4. unranked Miami upsets #12 Florida.
AHHH HOLY SHIT! this is huge. even though Florida compleeetely outran Miami and had the ball way more, the Gators fucked up a lot with several interceptions and fumbles.you can say this:
"That's probably the best feeling the Hurricanes have had in 26 months."translation: Miami hasn't let itself play in a bowl for the last two years because the NCAA claims they did some shady shit over the past several years. they allege that a member of their Booster Club shelled out $170K to Miami athletes in benefits like jewelry, "entertainment" (read: strippers), travel, etc. that shit is super illegal and that dude is in jail for 20 years. the NCAA is still looking into this case, so there are no NCAA-imposed punishments yet, but two years without a bowl can make a team pretty roid-ragey.
5. unranked BYU destroys #15 Texas.
thank you, College Football Jesus. thank you for what you've blessed us with. this is just ... this is just so great. the Brigham Youngyou can say this:
"I bet they'll be looking for Diaz's replacement."translation: Texas's defensive coordinator Manny Diaz's balls are probs being deep-fried right now. this game was probably one of Texas's biggest defensive fails in a while. head coach Mack Brown couldn't even give a straight answer when asked if Diaz would be coaching the next game against Ole Miss. sucks to suck, brah.
what are we doing next weekend?
#1 Alabama at #6 Texas A&M
this. this game is huge. say what you will about Johnny Manziel (here, i'll say it. the guy's a douche), but he and his Aggies beat 'Bama last year and are now on a seven-game winning streak. oh btw, Texas A&M is in the SEC now. in other words, more SEC circle-jerking. can't wait.
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